When I stopped trying to live "authentically"
Universe came knocking
And gave me my life back
Now I get to just be me
#inspiredbytarot | The Page of Air
I've been so specific with my decisions. Each on crafted with the believe that I was trying to create this authentic life, a life of change, a life that I would share and help to motivate.
A life I could share with others. On social media. Because how authentic is that, right? It isn't. It's a life of edits. What will they think? Did I post to much today? Did I not post enough? Did I follow the right tips to engage my readers? How will they respond? Maybe I should only share a little because I don't necessarily want to put all my business out there... on and on the authentic bullshit story goes, and it damn near sunk me this year.
Here's what I've been doing wrong. While chasing an authentic life, I forgot how to live my own life. Soooooo many people define what authentic means, and I was trying to live by the rules as set by these people. I've never been good with rules. So why have I been spending so much time trying to embrace the rules of living authentically?
How can authenticity have rules?? I don't get it.
So I'm done. Not doing it anymore. Fortunately, I did learn one thing about myself through all those half-hearted attempts... I need to get better at setting boundaries.
I need to learn to set clear, distinct, consequential and celebratory boundaries.
Not setting goals. Nope. Until the next shiny object appears, I refuse. Cuz guess what I just figured the fuck out????? I'm really shitty at setting and keeping goals. I'm terrible at it because I am not a static, stoic, colour within the lines kinda person. I'm needy. I'm independent. I'm all over the map. I'm crazy focused. But, as they say, my focus needs more focus. I'm an extravert, but leave me alone. I love the spot light, but I'm shy as hell.
I'm golden when you talk with me. I'm a beast when you talk at me.
So how does this kind of personality set goals? I'm sure there are a million and one ways to do so. And if you're thinking about offering me 'your solution' to goal setting... I DON'T NEED 101 DIFFERENT RECOMMENDATIONS BECAUSE I WILL TRY THEM ALL AND I WILL FEEL OVERWHELMED AND DEFEATED.
How is not setting a goal going to impact my weight loss journey? How is living my life, with out the label of authenticity going to change they way I look at things? Well that's the point, isn't it? My success this week wasn't to hit a goal. I also didn't live authentically this week. In fact, my greatest success this week is that fact that I stopped giving a shit.
I still have to figure out what this all means. In the mean time, I'm gonna unapologetically run with it and see what happens. Boundary by boundary.
Finding Duende,
Amanda